Guest Blogger

I’d assume that it is the goal of most of you readers to eventually get out of the “dating world” and into “married life.”  As someone who is married I thought I’d give you a few tips on some things to work on while dating that are also important in marriage.  One of the silliest reasons for divorce that I have heard is “we just don’t communicate anymore.” To me this is just as ridiculious as “we fell out of love.” Like love communication is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. In general people don’t complain of communication problems when they are dating or engaged. It’s only after they are married that they have this problem. My theory is that they get comfortable and stop trying, or expect their spouse to know them well enough to understand what they want or mean. 

My husband and I have developed a few things that we do to make sure good communication is a priority in our marriage. First, we are responsible for our words. This means that we mean what we say. For example if my husband asks if I want to go see a specific movie and I sigh, roll my eyes, and say “yes” what in the world is he supposed to think? I gave him visual cues that would make him think I don’t want to go but I verbally  told him yes. If I mean yes, then I need to say it like I mean it. If I mean no then I need to say no. Second,  don’t assume things that haven’t been said. If my husband walks in the door and goes straight to the fridge in a huff with out giving me a kiss it would be wrong for me to assume he is mad at me and then choose to give him the “silent treatment” until he is no longer mad. Be willing to be open with your partner and ask, “did I do something to upset you?” Again when you are responding to a question like this be responsible for your words and mean what you say.

When I was newly married I read a story about a marriage counselor who had a particularly difficult case. He was counseling  a number of siblings that were all considering divorce.  The counselor thought that there may be something similar cause to these siblings divorces that had to do with their parents. So he asked to attend the next big family gathering with all the siblings spouses, children, and the grandparents.  As the family was eating the counselor observed some very interesting behavior from the grandfather. At various times during the meal he would stop eating and just stare at something on the table. When someone would notice they would say, “Grandpa would you like the peas?” and he would say nothing. “Grandpa would you like the potatoes?” again he would say nothing.  “Grandpa would you like the butter?” then he responded “yes, thank you” and took the butter.  After dinner the counselor sat down with the grandfather  and asked him why he didn’t just ask for the butter. His response was, “it just means more when I don’t have to ask.”  He had raised his kids with this mentality and now they were all facing the possibility of divorce. The idea that you expect people to know what you need, want, or mean with out saying it will with out question cause serious strain on your relationships. Be clear. Mean what you say and be open about your feelings, wants, and needs.

The key to good communication in marriage is having good communication skills before marriage. You can practice these things while you’re dating, with your roommates, parents, siblings, teachers, and friends. Good communication in all your relationships will help strengthen your communication skills for marriage.

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Kaija

Who are They?

It is important as you are dating to look for people to date who meet standards that you have. Although it is fun to just date around you should prepared to not date someone seriously unless they have qualities that you are looking for for marriage. Start by making a list, think of things that you hold in high esteem and write them down. The individual doesn't necessarily have to meet all of these, in fact, if they do it would be somewhat of a miracle; but just putting those standards in mind will help you to get the best out of your courtships. This could include things like hobbies, interests, habits, but also things pertaining to spirituality. This is a clip from Elder Hales that I thought you might enjoy.

“As you go through your dating and courting relationships, I would hope that you will assess the spiritual inclinations of the individuals you’re getting to know better. How is their testimony? How do they treat their parents? How do they treat their brothers and sisters? Do they respect authority? Do they love the Lord, His servants, and the scriptures? What plans do they have for their lives?

“It isn’t enough if they are handsome or beautiful, if they are rich or poor, what kind of car they drive, what kind of clothes they wear, what kind of athletic ability they have, or what kind of intellect they are. You should be seeking to understand the gifts they have that will be eternal in nature.”

Elder Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “Gifts of the Spirit,” Ensign, Feb. 2002, 19.

25. Have an Olympic Tournament on the Wii, complete with roster and championship medals.
24. Springville Art Museum Scavenger Hunt. Make up 10 things to find (1 painting with red, 1 painting with 2 people, etc)
23. A Wish Date. Brainstorm a list of wishes that you have-- get a roll of pennies and then go around to different fountains in the city and make a wish in all of them.
22. Geo-Caching. Get a GPS and find the geo catching sites on-line and then go find them.
21. STATE FAIR! Demolition Derby. Rodeo. Monster Truck Rally. Etc.
20. There are a BUNCH of free concert nights around the city. Don’t be afraid to go find them. Ask around.
19. Share a Sammy’s shake.
18. You can rent ANYTHING at the RB. Wallyball, racquetball, volleyball, tennis, softball, etc.
17. Thanksgiving Point always has stuff going on, and you can usually get cheap group rates.
16. Nickel Arcade. You each get a roll of quarters.

Ya, I'm all about a happy family.

who am I?

How can you become someone that other people would want to date? I looked at the April 2010 New Era issue and found this article that I thought had really good advice so I would like to share it with you. It is important to work on becoming a person that you would want to date, because people are attracted to characteristics that they like and appreciate which are often things they have themselves.

Jourdan Strain, “What Makes a Person Datable?,” NewEra, Apr 2010, 43

Have you ever wondered what makes one person seem more datable than another? Here are a few traits that can help you become prime dating material:

• 1. A positive attitude. It’s no fun being around someone with a bad outlook on life. Be optimistic and cheerful, and others will naturally want to be around you.
• 2. A smile. No amount of makeup or expensive clothing can compete with a sincere smile. Consider it your best accessory!
• 3. A well-groomed appearance. People who take good care of themselves often take good care of others. Practice good hygiene and keep the dress and appearance standards in For the Strength of Youth ([2001], 14–15).
• 4. Confidence. Take pride in who you are and what you believe. But don’t be arrogant—nobody likes to be around people who are condescending.
• 5. A ready ear. A good listener will always be a good friend or date. Show genuine interest in what people have to say and they’ll always want to talk to you.
• 6. Ambition. Have worthy goals and don’t be afraid to work toward attaining them. Don’t be afraid to try to new things.
• 7. Respect. Show consideration for everyone, whether they are strangers, friends, parents, family members, or people you would like to date. Honor your priesthood and don’t misuse it or live unworthily. Respect your womanhood by dressing modestly and living gospel standards.
• 8. Clean language. Refraining from using foul language shows restraint and a dedication to the gospel, as well as respect of yourself and those around you.
• 9. A testimony. Testify of your love of the gospel by serving others and sharing your beliefs with them.
• 10. Being an example. Make good decisions that are consistent with the teachings of the Church. People will admire you for your commitment to the gospel and Christlike behavior, and you will be happier.
• 
   

 If you have any ideas on what I should write about next please let me know! 

Here are some more dating ideas :) 

30. Make popcicle stick houses. Or you can get spare newspaper and roll them up into tubes and tape them together to make big forts.

29. Every first Friday of the month is the Provo Art Gallery show down Center Street in Provo. Free.

28. Craft night. Make some homemade play dough (can find easy recipes online), then put them in the oven until they’re hard. Then you can paint them. It’s like homemade ceramics.

27. Go serve at Community Action on Freedom Blvd, or any other volunteer place around. 

26. Dip chocolates. Easy and inexpensive. 

Ya, I'm all about a happy family. 

Don't get down, keep that head up!

Rejection is a part of life, it is something that everyone has to deal with in some aspect of theri life. Thie main issue with rejection is learning to just accept it and then move on. Don't dwell on it and don't let it eat at you to make you feel bad about yourself. So someone turns you down for a date, rough, they probably wouldn't have been much fun if they'd accepted anyway.

If you are getting turned down for dates repeatedly I would say you are asking out the wrong type of people, try asking out people you wouldn't imagine asking out normally. This may help and you could be pleasantly surprised. Enjoy your life! something one of my roommates would always say is, I'm so happy there is someone out there for everyone. So keep your head up and keep at it.

Here are some MORE DATE IDEAS!  :)

45. Go on the BYU tree tour, you can buy the tour guide for $2.45 at the BYU Bookstore.
44. Lunch date at Pendulum Court.
43. Samples at Costco! To top it off, get a churro for a dollar and go to a dollar movie.
42. Go to the Museum! The Museum of Art, Museum of Peoples and Cultures, Bean Museum …ALL are free and normally have free activities throughout the month.
41. Play night games! Kick the Can, Hide and Go Seek, Capture the Flag…Seven Minutes in Heaven…. =)
40. Go to Barnes and Noble and find your favorite books, or find children’s books to share with each other. Afterwards hit up Starbucks for some hot chocolate.
39. Try to make a recipe together from memory. Or get out all of the ingredients and then make it without looking at the recipe again.
38. Go visit the kids at Shriner’s Hospital, you just have to call ahead and set up an appointment but it’s a great way to get to know someone.
37. B.S. Candyland. You play Candyland, but don’t show each other the cards you draw and then you move your piece. The other person has the option of calling BS or not.
36. Play Tennis together at the night, with a tennis ball dipped in florescent paint and glow in the dark tape on the net and racquets.
35. Play card games or dominos. It’s easy and fun and free.
34. Go to the pet store together and pick out gold fish for each other—then have gold fish races…or just go pet the animals. You can also volunteer at the animal shelter.
33. Go take a tour of Cathedral of the Madeline or Greek Orthodox church. Both free and educational.
32. Chaperone one of your local high school dances. No really, it’s actually really fun.
31. Go toilet papering. It may be slightly illegal—but if you don’t get caught….


Ya, I'm all about a happy family.

Rejection Perfection

I've never had to deal with rejecting guys for dates but I'm sure that the majority of you beautiful young ladies have, and possible some of you handsome young men as well if you interact with very forward females; because of this I have decided to write about how to reject dates.

First of all let me just say that I think it is a little ridiculous to reject a first date. Go have fun! It's not like you have to marry the person. I figure if they've worked up enough courage and were brave enough to ask you out they should be able to do so. So as for ways to reject dates, there are different ways in which you could go about this. There is the method of avoidance, every time they ask you out have plans or make up plans to be busy; I wouldn't suggest this, however, it is an option. Another option is to say no and really nothing else. This would get you out of the date but it wouldn't really do much else. You could also say no and tell him why, basically that you're not interested. This I feel is the best method because it gives yourself more assurance that they will not try and ask you out again, thus it is also probably the hardest to do. There are also some more options which are too harsh for my personality to include in this post, I wouldn't want to encourage those methods.

60. Smores over your gas stove. Trust me, it works.
59. Sledding. If it’s summer, get a Little Tikes Trike or small tricycle and go down a hill on those.
58. Fishing.
57. Decorate t-shirts or Keds for each other. You can get them rather inexpensively at Big Lots. If you buy cheap pairs of Keds (shoes) you can decorate them with fabric markers. It’s great!
56. Make a video together. You can normally use a digital camera and make it from that.
55. Build a fort out of blankets and watch a movie in it.
54. Go DI hunting. $10 and a DI, what can you find?
53. Go to a dance: Girls do the guys hair and guys do the girls make-up. Some friends did this, it was actually really fun.
52. Shot gun shooting or laser tag or archery, or anything that involves a target.
51. Go fly a kite. No really.
50. Freshman Date! Go have dinner in the Cannon Center and then go hang out at Helaman Halls.
49. Go to one of the many free sporting events. Check out BYU.edu.
48. Go for a bike ride on the Provo River trail. (Plenty of people have bikes to use).
47. Temple Square date! Go watch the Joseph Smith movie, or on a tour of the Lion House (free), or check out one of the historic sites. There is SO much to do around Temple Square! Oh, and they have free van tours!
46. Serve at the Soup Kitchen, call ahead to volunteer. Or try Welfare Square.


Ya, I'm all about a happy family.